again

again and again and again and again,
do it again, do it again.

if i had a dollar for how many times you've said something along that particular thing, i'd be very rich by now. please. understand that i can get on my nerves. just trust me. unfortunately, thats not going to happen is it? judging by what you said today.

black

you know how it feels like when something important has just happened and no one bothered to tell you? and you already know it. but its something so important that you should be one of the first few to know. and yet. here i am, still supposedly clueless. thanks alot. i am not as dumb as i look. quite the contrary, i am very perceptive.

i have decided to brainstorm on ideas for this new competition by black library. if i actually manage to get through, i may get published in a very nerdy and geeky sci fi book. and not to mention, get paid. but its not for the money. it never was. i would like to say its for the pure joy of creating something. technically it is, but i am taking part in it for the recognition. even if it is amongst a geeky warhammer community. its still something. in fact, for me, its alot. because, i am part of the community as well. i have read the creations of others. but i have always wanted others to take a step into my mind and see whats there. in terms of warhammer that is. maybe this might be a ticket. an opportunity. it may be wasted away by my own folly. or by my lack of ideas. (hopefully not because i got a rather good one now) but thats not going to stop me from trying. i mean. i got free time you see. even though its scattered everywhere. a little bit of sacrifice, and everything falls to place.

by the way. i am almost there. it seems my work is paying off. hehex.

frisbee

you see strange and bizarre things everyday. so try not to be so surprised when you do because its really normal.

cold

i sympathize with drug addicts who are made to go cold turkey to quit their addiction. i have felt a small extent of their pain twice. one was willingly done, the other was not wanted.

yesterday i tried to repeat the magic. it seems that good things coem only once or twice.

the prestige.

i watched a movie yesterday, today, allright, which ever you want to see it as. i asked myself at the end, how far would i go to achieve, my goals, my dreams, my obsessions?

scary.

lift.

i am amazed. yet again. just after the closer incident, i thought i'd seen it all. guess not. so there i was, checking the letterbox for new mail before sitting down in the bench in front of the lift lobby waiting for the rest of my family to come down so we can go and eat dinner. i saw this bunch of tattooed guys. one wasnt wearing a shirt and showing off his muscles (he had that kind of lean build) and there was another guy. the other four people were like checking them for weapons or something. maybe it was some confrontation or something. i was clueless. so after checking the two guys started stretching and talking to the other four. then they opened one of the lift. both guys went in. the other four stood around the door as a sort of barricade to prevent people from going in. the two dudes closed the lift door. just before it closed, both of them took on fighting poses. shit. i damn scared. whatever was going to happen wasnt good.

as soon as the lift door closed, i heard blows and shouting. they were fighting inside there. it was damn loud. and damn scary. i was hoping they'd just not notice me. but they were watching me. i just like tried to act normal. you know, if i ran away they might get suspicious see? besides, i wanted to see the outcome. hopefully, my family would delay. you know, might get nasty.

five minutes later the noise receded. the four guys opened the lift door. one of the guys was slumped against the wall moaning. the shirtless dude was standing, barely. both were bloodied up, badly. the lift was covered with streaks of blood. the floor, the walls. the four guys helped up the downed dude and the apparent winner and started going away. just before leaving, one of them shot me a glare and shouted,

"eh boy. don't tell anyone."

what the hell. family came down a minute later.

statement.

i hope somebody can explain to me whether the following statement is true or untrue. i've spent some time over it myself.

"how can you be expected to value other people's lives if you don't even value your own."

hmm. i suspect the statement is fallacious. (see i have been paying attention during gp. hehe.)

eight things.

recently, i learned certain things. more like i was reminded of these things. like a refresher. a much needed one. at least for some of the things.

1) people will most likely think you are a slacker if you choose to take a relax first. even if you do work later on, they just wont understand that maybe you needed a break first to freshen up before getting started proper.

2) when you haven't had or experienced something for a very very long time and suddenly you are confronted by it, you will feel immediate disgust since your mind is just not used to the fact of experiencing or possessing that particular thing.

3) the best way to silence an argument with a person is to take something lying nearby and thrust it in front of the person's face and shout "you want this in your face is it?" in either a loud or a nasal voice. works everytime, everyplace.

4) piracy is very rampant and we must all do our part to hinder it.

5) sometimes, you don't always do what you say or plan to do

6) i want to fly out into space.

7) life is full of impossible, utterly improbable and wonderful surprises. you'll probably get one when you least expect it.

8) when you do not see things that mean a lot to you, you will feel very empty and depressed.

passing by.

yesterday i happy. i don't know why things like these keep happening. i know some people would ask me why i did not take it any further. but you know, thats where the fun is. to keep it a mystery, an improbability. maybe it may happen again in the future. maybe not. but either way, its more special the way it is. i got no regrets. just another fond memory to add to my collection. anway, here's what happened. (:

there i was. sitting on the train. i had decided to go home earlier and not wait for kaswin. i was still damn thirsty even after drinking an Only from bta. but i felt damn full. so each time i drank from my water bottle, i felt even worse. allright. the train was rather empty. well. it happends. it was sufficiently empty for me to get a seat even if i didnt take the train to marina bay. but i took it anyway. train was damn empty. only got random people. i thought my carriage only had nme in it. so i took out my ipod and played closer. being the damn nice song it was, and considering i thought was alone, i couldn't help but start singing. i only kept one ear so that i could hear if i was going horribly off tune. lucky i not so bad not like vivek and his pro wailing. hehe.

I've had enough
Of this parade
I'm thinking of
The words to say
We open up
Unfinished parts
Broken up
It's so mellow

And when I see you then i know it will be next to me
And when I need you then I know you will be there with me
I'll never leave you

Just need to get closer, closer
Lean on me now
Lean on me now
Closer, closer
Lean on me now
Lean on me now

then. i heard it. a soft female voice. singing. shit. i damn shocked. seriously. didnt realise i was that loud. i like looked around and i noticed this girl sitting across me a couple of seats away. sufficiently far enough for the blur state (i was damn sleepy lorh) i was in to realise that no one else was in that carriage. for awhile, i was too shocked to continue. funny. she looked like an elf. in a good way. long neck, long black hair with brown highlight, those elf like eyes, no pointy elven ears though. she seemed tall though. could really estimate her age. guess she was working. cant remember clearly what she wore though.
bloody hell. i continued. to sing.
dont know why. but i just did, risking public humiliation.
she looked at me. and smiled.

Keep waking up (waking up)
Without you here (without you here)
Another day (another day)
Another year (another year)
I seek the truth (seek the truth)
We set apart (we set apart)
Thinking of
A second chance (a second chance)

And when I see you then i know it will be next to me
And when I need you I know you will be there with me
I'll never leave you

Just need to get closer, closer
Lean on me now
Lean on me now
Closer, closer
Lean on me now
Lean on me now
Lean on me now

And when I see you then i know it will be next to me
And when I need you I know you will be there with me
I'll never leave you

Just need to get closer, closer
Lean on me now
Lean on me now
Closer, closer

marina bay. she was getting off just before the song finished. just before getting off, she flashed me a smile and i returned it.

Lean on me now
Lean on me now
Lean on me now
Closer, closer
Closer, closer

now what were the odds of that.

20

i have a very good talent.
its called being able to irritate people very easily with little effort on my part.
mostly, its used for entertainment.
however, sometimes, some people deserve it.
so i let loose with no remorse.

twenty more days to the boy with no name. damn. its taking too long.

today, someone told me something noone has told me in a long time.
"eh you know you are talking damn loudly?"
times are changing no?

soundtrack.

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, iPaq etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you’re cool...

OPENING CREDITS: Beyond the Sea by Robbie Williams

WAKING UP: La La La by The Bird and the Bee

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL: How to Be Dead by Snow Patrol

FALLING IN LOVE: Lazarus by Porcupine Tree

FIGHT SONG: Something Secret Steers Us from Half Life 2 OST

BREAKING UP: In My Place by Coldplay

PROM: Empty Spaces by Pink Floyd

LIFE: Somewhere Eelse by Travis

MENTAL BREAKDOWN: Last Train by Travis

DRIVING: Around the World by Red Hot Chilli Peppers

FLASHBACK: Water from Final Fantasy Advent Children OST

WEDDING: The Sea by Travis

BIRTH OF CHILD: My Eyes by Travis

FINAL BATTLE: Muscle Museum by Muse

DEATH SCENE: My Immortal by Evanescence

FUNERAL SONG: Pyramid Song by Radiohead

END CREDITS: Other Side of the World by KT Tunstall

not bad. i like most of them. got high percentage of travis. lol. at least not something like guns and roses or something. i guess i'm quite lucky there. some are quite good fitting in fact. The Sea, My Eyes, Pyramid Song, My Immortal. bloody hell. got muse. lol. although i dont think my life will have fight scene. because i very peace loving. hee.

i watched ten commandments yesterday. i was inspired. yet again. but i couldn't help but pity the egyptians. i think i'll watch prince of egypt soon. the effects cooler. then again, it is a cartoon.

i watched corpse bride. it was nice. for a while, i thought victoria might have never gotten to marry victor. but things sorted out in the end. but even then, i felt sorry for emily who still didnt get married in the end. at least, she moved on to a better place in the end i think. funny though. i see alot of myself in victor. people are so hostile. wonder why.

i think tim burton rocks. loved all of his movies so far. big fish was THE best. i was damn sad at the end of the movie. but it was very very nice. i'm a sensitive person you know? i get moved easily. all right. maybe not that easily. i think i'll do that "whats the soundtrack of your life" thing soon. saw it off someone's blog.

this weekend was productive. i shall allow myself some time off. at least i didnt end up missing much like those archery interviews which i last minute not allowed to attend.

here's to hoping that chelsea will lose.

~

i am that i am.

staple

you try to bribe me. you keep reminding me how much time is left. but i think i would know. and i would know the importance of all this. i am capable of working towards my own goals myself please. damn. wish i could say no alot more often. would make life alot easier if i could. thank you for listening. (:

whoa. i bet you just want happy time right?
no lah. i just want, time.
whoa. thats damn emo eh.

i laugh.

dreamer

today i went up to home room for a nice long nap. about 40 minutes or so. i know i slept well because i had a dream. it wasn't a good one. neither was it a nightmarish one. it was just, well, scary. it was like falling. only i wasnt. i was actually floating away. my vision was fogging and blurring. all i wanted to do was to say hi. it was horrible. i hated every moment of it. come to think of it, maybe it was a nightmare.

you know something? dreams are a reflection of your subconscious mind. its really useful to let you know what you are really thinking and not what you are making yourself think. only problem is, you don't remember all of them. and when you do, and you dream something that actually has relevance to your life, it actually hurts. when you try to believe something and suddenly you have this dream. you wake up teary eyed and sweating even with the aircon and you realise whatever you've been trying to believe is utterly doctored and your own brain decides to slap you until you realise that. smart tactic.

lucky the falsification was insta-killed. i still have hope. (:

voyeur

grr. somebody took a photo of me while i was being recluse on the bus to training. bloody guy. staring out of the window listening to flowers in the window. then suddenly some J1 guy tells me he took a photo of me stoning. this cannot do. i must be more attentive next time.

and it seems that two of the popes are reclusing away from each other. one of them is me. ;) hehex. hopefully it will get sorted out tomorrow. haha. quite funny though.

and i think, my gut feelings are damn good. today, decided to walk the long and highly crowded way to class from assembly, i was pleasantly rewarded. don't know why i chose that way. someting just told me i had too. later before going training while i was waiting for the bus, i was sitting with some archery people. decided to talk to jheeva guy. apparently, they all forgot about me and went up to board the bus without telling me. i remembered just at the right time and managed to catch the bus just before it left.

anyway, speaking of jheeva, a few days ago while the three popes and the friend of the reclii were walking down the stairs, jheeva said something really stupid. but the moment after he said it, he was attacked with an extremely fast move for his throat. lol. jheeva almost died. but the attacker held back and started verbally scolding him. lol.

ffs = j

of course, being a pope of the reclii automatically means that you have to be fs. now that we have decentralized and promoted all previous high ranking members to the rank of pope, we can indeed see that fs comes with the rank. here's one of the new popes in action, demonstrating his prowness at being fs.

j: eh. i left my bag in the canteen. follow me down. then we go late for econs.
me: set arh!
5 mins later, we go down to the canteen and start looking for his bag.
j: eh. where's my bag arh?
me: did you even bring it down?
j: i don't know eh. i don't remember bringing it down.
me: omg. what if its upstairs in class?
j: oh shit dei.
5 mins later we go back to class.
me: fs guy! you left it in class. make me follow you to canteen for nothing.
j: shit dei, i damn fs.

it would be alot funnier if you knew what fs stood for. i'll give you a clue. s is for stupid and f is for a rather vulgar word which i dont use. hee.

of course. the devil is also highly fs. having bombed my entire army to shit and costing us the entire game. but then again, the devil is evil. so if he's fs, all the better for the forces of the reclii to overcome the forces of society.

today, i saw somebody being highly recluse and doing work under some block. if not for my pressing agenda, i would have confronted the person. pity. no time.
haiz. so nice eh. i like, became so light hearted for a few moments the people around me must have wondered what i was doing. of course. that is only for me to know.

zippy

everytime i login to msn i zip through the contact list to see who is online. past three days, i've been feeling sad everytime i do that.

^

no matter what i do, i fear that i will always be misunderstood for as long as i live.

no cigar

travis is damn <3
together with my current favourite female singer KT Tunstall (who is incidentally also damn chio <3 <3),
have come up with an amazing song called Under the Moonlight, which is damn damn damn nice and pretty. i cant help but keep listening to it.

in response to the question indra (a former anti travis inquisitor) asked me quite awhile ago before he mysteriously became travis lover as well, "how can anybody like travis? muse and keane are damn nice and damn fast paced."

heres my response. life doesn't always go rocketing through everything. sometimes you have to slow down. step back and take a look at everything.

okae whatever. because they are just damn good.

this is an example of damn good.

No Cigar

I've got a lot of answers
For someone with no questions
I've got a lot of questions
But questions give you cancer

Oh, we've come so far
So close, but
No cigar

Our love is like a flower
It needs an april shower
I've been dying in the gutter
But not for very much longer

Oh, we've come so far So close, but
No cigar

The distance from
Here to there
Is greater than
Here from now ?

Dobber

Oh, we've come so far
Oh, we've come so far
So close, but
No cigar

oh. how i laughed when i heard this. <3 style="font-style: italic;">

slink

all right. i updated some of the links on my blog. so that way, i can access those sites via my blog and not have to navigate through a maze of other people's blogs to finally get there. okae. that was exaggeration. but yea. now my life is slightly easier.

yeap. today i saw something on the front page of the newspaper that annoyed me. see lah. this sort of thiings. give bad name to everybody else. haiz. wish it wasn't so screwed up. too bad lorh. its just meant to be.

anyway, i drew up plans to create two mega konversions for my table top army. one's going to be an inquisitor and the other is going to be grey knight grand master azrael! lol. i just need someone with a paypal account to help me buy some bitz from ebay so i can do my konversions. speaking of ebay, i do need to pay ken tomorrow for helping me buy the shirt. wonder when its coming.

random

here's what you get when you put me, a pen, some paper, a wandering mind, and some free time together. click to enlarge.

explosion

and suddenly, the whole world explodes into sound.

graphs

this is graph. its related to me. i'll give you a clue as to what it reflects. save it to your hard disc.

slivers

give me a reason to care and i swear i will, for as long as i live. unfortunately for me, i already found a reason.

the few.

you guy. thank me now. thank me right now. had i been a whole lot more selfish and chose not to go home alone, i would have been a lot more intrusive. nevermind. going home alone is good. i got to angst a bit and reflect some more. whatever. don't care about much these days anyway. i've turned alot more heartless. talk to me and i'll probably give a rather cold reply. unless of course you are on the "not to act cold towards" list.

anyway. recently, i've drawn a girl on my book. its abit similar to the one on my template although i gave her a new and more relevant head. ben low has helped alot in the process, including the daring rescue mission of the book during a break in between lectures. she's happy. why is she happy? i don't know. if i knew, i'd probably know what to draw as a background because right now, the picture comprises of just the girl. ben low suggested she's happy because she's meeting her boyfriend. but she definitely doesn't have a boyfriend. of that, i am very sure. how? don't tell you. but if the girl did have a boyfriend, i'd be amused. anyway, i cracked my head during bio lecture. why is she happy? what would make her happy? is she shopping? no, she's not the kind. i drew a tree. is she walking through a park? no. too normal. is she in some desolate wasteland? getting warmer. but doesn't explain why she's happy. i draw a moon. does she like the moonlight and the stars? perhaps. but why is she happy to see the moon and the stars? it may mean she was so close to loosing all that was precious to her. i drew a portal. whats on the other side? what was so bad about the place that when she left it, she was so happy? i drew a world of chaos. i drew a world where the rules of our reality do not apply. getting warmer. did she meet anyone in that world? i drew in a figure hidden in the fog, whose silhouette was still visible on the other side of the portal. maybe she had a revelation, or maybe she narrowly escaped with her life. but i think she's happy now because she can bask in the moonlight again.

excuses?

i have the trouble of making a distiction between an excuse and a reason. believe me, i've gotten into alot of trouble before regarding this. but what makes me so damningly annoyed is when a person so easily classifies a reason as an excuse. my interpretation of an excuse is something that you could have done something about and yet chose to do nothing in hopes of say, escaping work. but what if something beyond your control happens? something rather unexpected. wouldn't it be fair to get a fair hearing first before making your classification. of course, at that particular point in time, my weary mind must also be taken into account. tired, with homework to do, sleepy and stuck in the middle of nowhere late at night, your mind doesn't function as effectively anymore. the few rare times when it really really wasn't my fault, i get shafted. i wish i could be understood. i am not angry at the person but angry that i was not heard at all.

>

what have i done? bloody hell. what have i done?